The Jordan River Parkway

What can I say about the Jordan River Parkway. It's a 50 mile paved trail near where I live in Utah. It's a popular trail, so you'll always see people there. I love this trail and because it is so close to my apartment, I'm usually on it several times a week either walking, running, or biking. But the trail isn't as innocuous as it appears to be. I decided I need to start documenting the things that have happened to me on this trail that are worth noting.

First the sprinkler malfunction. There I was biking to a nice tune on my iPod when suddenly a powerful burst of water struck me in the face. It caused me to steer suddenly off the path but I miraculously didn't fall over. I stopped in the grass and looked around for a stupid kid with a water gun near by. No kid but a park's sprinkler was sure to be the culprit. I watched it as it finished its revolving cycle and clicked back into that first position. Sure enough its was at the start of the sprinkler's revolving cycle that it shoots a stream across the bike path. It felt like fate. I was at the right place at the right time and at the right height for a direct hit like that. God I wish there was video of that.

Second was the head on bike collision. There's a few places on the trail that cause me to hold my breath when biking. Those places are the underpasses. And there's one that always causes me to tense up because the path noticeably narrows and upon exiting the underpass is a blind corner. I always told myself that one day I was going to plow into someone on that corner but never actually believing that it would happen. Someone else surely but not me. How naive of me. One Spring evening I decided to bike on the parkway rather than the treacherous mountain because I just wanted to enjoy a nice, easy ride. After a half hour into my ride I approach my favorite blind corner aaand BOOM! I saw a flash of blonde hair flipping over his handlebars but not letting go, causing his bike to follow his momentum. As result, his back tire hits me in the face knocking me off my bike and onto the pavement. We were both dazed but we both bounced back up. The kid wobbled to his bike mumbled an apology (maybe a curse) and took off. Thankfully my bike was built like a tank and survived the crash but I ended up with lacerations and bruises to the bridge of my nose and cheek. Turns out I would have been safer on the treacherous mountain.

Third was the great clown escape. Let me first say the Jordan River Parkway can get very congested at times and your once relaxing bike ride becomes a game of immense focus and strategy - Don't hit the citizens. Very stressful, especially when there's unpredictable children and dogs on the trail. But every once in a while you get lucky and get the Jordan Parkway all to yourself. One of those magical days happened recently. Given it was a hot day but I took that to my favor knowing a day like this would deter most people. MOST people. After about 45 minutes into my ride, I began to approach a park. I was probably 100 meters away when I noticed a person standing with his back towards the trail. I'm now 50 meters away. I can see he's wearing all black and what looked like a colorful wig. Strange. 20 meters away. He hears me coming and turns his head without turning his body. I start to slow down, unsure of the situation. Less than 10 meters away he suddenly turns around fully while jumping in the air. I STOP. Holy shit this guy is wearing a murdering clown mask. I don't have an innate fear of clowns but I suddenly hated the fact that I hadn't seen a single other person during my entire ride. We stared at each other for probably a few seconds but what felt like minutes.  Suddenly he bolts for me in a bizarre run while hollering like a possessed Indian. All aboard U.S.S. NOPE. I pivot around my planted foot into a 180 and took off like my life (quite possibly) depended on it! My adrenaline fueled body pedaled faster than I've probably ever biked. After several minutes past, I ease down and start to think..."the hell just happened? Was that real?" I remembered there was a brief craze going on in several countries last year where people dressed as clowns were terrorizing people. But that craze had ended months ago. Who the hell was this late bloomer! Then I started thinking about how hot it was outside and how hot I had become. Did I hallucinate a clown? Am I having a heat stroke? Not likely. Then I start wondering what I should do. Should I alert the authorities? Was this guy mentally deranged who's actual intent was to harm me? What if he hurts some other unsuspecting sap? Or was I just the victim of a prank? Am I going to end up on a viral youtube video later looking like a twat? So many questions, and no answers...Never a dull moment on the Parkway!