The Jordan River Parkway

What can I say about the Jordan River Parkway. It's a 50 mile paved trail near where I live in Utah. It's a popular trail, so you'll always see people there. I love this trail and because it is so close to my apartment, I'm usually on it several times a week either walking, running, or biking. But the trail isn't as innocuous as it appears to be. I decided I need to start documenting the things that have happened to me on this trail that are worth noting.

First the sprinkler malfunction. There I was biking to a nice tune on my iPod when suddenly a powerful burst of water struck me in the face. It caused me to steer suddenly off the path but I miraculously didn't fall over. I stopped in the grass and looked around for a stupid kid with a water gun near by. No kid but a park's sprinkler was sure to be the culprit. I watched it as it finished its revolving cycle and clicked back into that first position. Sure enough its was at the start of the sprinkler's revolving cycle that it shoots a stream across the bike path. It felt like fate. I was at the right place at the right time and at the right height for a direct hit like that. God I wish there was video of that.

Second was the head on bike collision. There's a few places on the trail that cause me to hold my breath when biking. Those places are the underpasses. And there's one that always causes me to tense up because the path noticeably narrows and upon exiting the underpass is a blind corner. I always told myself that one day I was going to plow into someone on that corner but never actually believing that it would happen. Someone else surely but not me. How naive of me. One Spring evening I decided to bike on the parkway rather than the treacherous mountain because I just wanted to enjoy a nice, easy ride. After a half hour into my ride I approach my favorite blind corner aaand BOOM! I saw a flash of blonde hair flipping over his handlebars but not letting go, causing his bike to follow his momentum. As result, his back tire hits me in the face knocking me off my bike and onto the pavement. We were both dazed but we both bounced back up. The kid wobbled to his bike mumbled an apology (maybe a curse) and took off. Thankfully my bike was built like a tank and survived the crash but I ended up with lacerations and bruises to the bridge of my nose and cheek. Turns out I would have been safer on the treacherous mountain.

Third was the great clown escape. Let me first say the Jordan River Parkway can get very congested at times and your once relaxing bike ride becomes a game of immense focus and strategy - Don't hit the citizens. Very stressful, especially when there's unpredictable children and dogs on the trail. But every once in a while you get lucky and get the Jordan Parkway all to yourself. One of those magical days happened recently. Given it was a hot day but I took that to my favor knowing a day like this would deter most people. MOST people. After about 45 minutes into my ride, I began to approach a park. I was probably 100 meters away when I noticed a person standing with his back towards the trail. I'm now 50 meters away. I can see he's wearing all black and what looked like a colorful wig. Strange. 20 meters away. He hears me coming and turns his head without turning his body. I start to slow down, unsure of the situation. Less than 10 meters away he suddenly turns around fully while jumping in the air. I STOP. Holy shit this guy is wearing a murdering clown mask. I don't have an innate fear of clowns but I suddenly hated the fact that I hadn't seen a single other person during my entire ride. We stared at each other for probably a few seconds but what felt like minutes.  Suddenly he bolts for me in a bizarre run while hollering like a possessed Indian. All aboard U.S.S. NOPE. I pivot around my planted foot into a 180 and took off like my life (quite possibly) depended on it! My adrenaline fueled body pedaled faster than I've probably ever biked. After several minutes past, I ease down and start to think..."the hell just happened? Was that real?" I remembered there was a brief craze going on in several countries last year where people dressed as clowns were terrorizing people. But that craze had ended months ago. Who the hell was this late bloomer! Then I started thinking about how hot it was outside and how hot I had become. Did I hallucinate a clown? Am I having a heat stroke? Not likely. Then I start wondering what I should do. Should I alert the authorities? Was this guy mentally deranged who's actual intent was to harm me? What if he hurts some other unsuspecting sap? Or was I just the victim of a prank? Am I going to end up on a viral youtube video later looking like a twat? So many questions, and no answers...Never a dull moment on the Parkway! 

Blunt Talk

I hope this series is as good as it looks. It's not the story that intrigues me so much as the rambunctious, irreverent behavior of Walter Blunt played by the typically erudite, mannerly Patrick Stewart. If Blunt was played by any other actor this show wouldn't even be on my radar.

Godzilla's Compelling Return

One of these years they should have a category for "Best Trailer" at the Oscars. It's an important segment in the movie process. Sometimes, pivotal to a movie's success. The latest trailer that's been generating a lot of buzz is this captivating, gorgeous, masterful 2 1/2 minute piece for Godzilla.

When I first saw this trailer I was in awe. My wide eyes, emphatic grin and goose pimpled flesh was proof of that. Now I can't stop hitting the replay button. It's just fantastically chilling. Opening with a terrifyingly-brilliant vibrato score, a high ranking soldier informs a small militant squad about a perilous mission which they will enter via halo jump. The paratroopers leap out of the plane, plummeting through thick clouds with their red smoke trailing behind them. The viewer is drawn in even more when the scene takes on a falling squad member's point of view. As the clouds break away we discover the soldiers are descending upon a war zone: a burning San Francisco. Then out of the smoking plume we see those unmistakable spikes of our favorite monster of mass destruction.

Hauntingly beautiful artistry

The first half to this trailer is simply stunning. The rest reveals a montage of exciting clips from the movie including more chaos, destruction, heavy military action, and what looks like some powerful performances (ahem, Bryan Cranston anyone?) 

I honestly can't stop talking about this movie amongst anyone who has a pair of ears. This is how a trailer is done. When a trailer ends you shouldn't feel stuffed like after a 3 course meal. You give the viewer just a taste, thus making them yearn for more. I believe this movie will be an epic win, high grossing, and certified fresh. 

For more Godzirra! action, check out Trailer 2 

Coco Loco

If you're not sure, the white freckled guy's the cure

Conan O'Brien has been and always will be my favorite TV personality (sorry Colbert.) I've been an avid fan since his Comedy Central days. Although I enjoy his recurring characters like Triumph and the masturbating bear, none of them can surpass the best character of them all: Conan himself. He's a unique comedy cocktail blend that belongs in a category by itself. He's like a cartoon character with his lanky figure, untamable hair, spontaneous gestures, fearless wit, and wild energy. He knows this too, as he often pokes fun of himself. Anyone else who attempted to copy cat his hosting style would ultimately fail and be deemed a pariah. It can't be done because there's only one Conan O'Brien.

People might criticize his hosting style as rather weird and idiosyncratic...Now I could snap in his defense, "How dare you insult his excellence!" but I'm not because I happen to agree. However, I see that as a positive attribute, not a negative. It's part of the beauty of Conan; his unfailing ability to be silly. Those who put a negative label on words like weird and abnormal are just a bunch of bleating sheep, who can't fathom the idea of going against the crowd. I admit I sometimes fall victim to this sheepish behavior when it pertains to my own life. It's easier to blend in with everyone; there's a lower risk of humiliation. Perhaps that's why I've always been more attracted to that comical, quirky side in people because it takes courage. Well, let me be honest, weird is good in doses. You don't want to embrace it like a madness or you might be spurned as a deranged, creeper.

I could be having the worst day of my life, but if I were to watch a clip of Conan O'Brien, I would be in high spirits again. There's simply too many favorite bits for me too list them all but I'll He's generally amiable and mannerly on his show but my favorite Conan moments are when he unveils his darker side and delivers unto us "Mean Coco." He's the pretentious, self-important boss to his employees. He's the cruel, hick-hating friend to Jack McBrayer. His mock feud with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert is simply legendary. And I enjoy nothing more than his petty quarrels with Andy Richter. You can identify who he has a strong rapport with on his show, since it is with these people that bring out my favorite character in him. We don't see enough of mean Coco in my opinion, but maybe that's a good thing. It makes the rare occurrence all the more delightful and entertaining.

Aside from his goofy persona, he also regularly demonstrates charisma and humility that is unparalleled by other television personalities. His character was put to the real test 3 1/2 years ago in regarding to the whole Tonight Show debacle. I can easily go off on a ceaseless rant about this but I'll keep it concise for both our sakes. Awarding O'Brien the Tonight Show only to take it away from him after seven months was a tasteless, egotistical act by NBC and Leno. Conan deserved more respect. But Conan proved to us yet again with his heart-felt and admirable goodbye from the Tonight Show, that he is nothing but an inspiration and a real class act.

Basically how I look when someone tells me they don't like Conan. 

Say My Name

My tribute to an illustrious show

Can you believe it all ends tonight? I don't think I've ever been more emotionally invested in a show than the final season of Breaking Bad. And that's saying a lot. Recently, I watched an episode from season 1 and it was hard to believe that these characters were once friends and loving family members. 

Walter White's descension and Heisenberg's ascension throughout the seasons was an incredible ride and one to be remembered. Now it all comes to an end but who will come out on top? Other's I know personally think he deserves the worst for all the hell he's created. I oddly keep finding myself rooting for Walt. This was a middle-aged Chem teacher with no criminal past that elevated himself to become a notorious drug king pin within a year's span. I can't help but respect that feat. Though he may not have the heart capacity of dear Jesse Pinkman, he still has a heart. So I find it disheartening to see him loose everything, especially to some unprincipled Neo-Nazis.

  

"It can't all be for nothing."

We sadly live in an age where originality is becoming increasingly scarce. So I salute Vince Gilligan for creating a story line so elegantly original with such intriguing characters. We're going into a finale where the ending is really anyone's guess. I find this unpredictability refreshing because of its rarity in television today. I don't doubt the end will be satisfying. Bittersweet, but satisfying.

Game of Thrones

"I'm honest. It's the world that's awful."

I finally got myself to watch Game of Thrones and all I can say is why in hell did it take me so long! And now I'm fuming that I have to wait till January 2014 for the next season. I'm really impressed with HBO. The level of detail in this show is astounding for a television series. Can you imagine if they tried to turn these books into movies? So many savory details we would have missed. I love the complex dynamics of all these characters. It's a dog eat dog world in this series, where anyone can die and anyone can become the villain or hero, regardless of what you may think. In general, I've always been fascinated with villains more than heroes but my favorite type of character is an antihero. So my favorite character is Sandor Clegane aka The Hound. He's a tall, scar-faced, bad ass killer with a soft spot for the Stark girls. But despite how strong he is, he's not invincible, he has vulnerabilities - specifically his debilitating fear of fire. Happens when you get your face shoved in burning coals as a kid. I honestly can't predict what will happen to him or what he'll do next. I can go on and on about the series. Tyrion Lannister, Daenerys Targaryen, Arya Stark, John Snow, all such good characters. But for the love of the Old Gods and New, someone please kill Joffery.

Smaug

"A most specially greedy, strong, and wicked worm."

I thought I'd bring a little life to the Rankin-Bass cartoon Smaug. The 1977 Hobbit cartoon was one of my favorite movies as a kid. But the colors were dull, muddy and flat. So I added more color, shadows, and highlights. I'm also a total geek for all of Peter Jackson's LOTR/Hobbit films. Can't wait to see what they do with Smaug in the next chapter this winter.